The Intellectual Father - Striving to be Knowledgeable

The Intellectual Father - Striving to be Knowledgeable

This dad meets his need to be knowledgeable by helping his children learn and know. He enjoys teaching and tries to instill a love of learning by finding ways to build on a child's natural curiosity. Prizing independence, he gives his children lots of space to develop on their own. While he may not always agree with them, he fundamentally believes his children have the right to their own points of view.

At His Best: This dad meets his need to be knowledgeable by helping his children learn and know. He enjoys teaching and tries to instill a love of learning by finding ways to build on a child’s natural curiosity. Prizing independence, he gives his children lots of space to develop on their own. While he may not always agree with them, he fundamentally believes his children have the right to their own points of view. He has high aspirations for their competence, yet he seldom pushes and is usually tolerant and calm, not highly critical of children’s mistakes. He tends to follow their lead in what interests them, rather than trying to shape or control what or how they think. Not liking to be confined by rules or authority himself, he is intentionally “lenient” with his children so they can think situations through on their own and choose their actions.

Potential Pitfalls: This dad is out of his element when it comes to giving children the emotional closeness they need. Handling the domestic side of child-raising does not appeal to him, and he can easily become exhausted by children’s non-stop chatter, constant activity, lack of self-control, and never-ending demands for his attention. When he is overwhelmed by the demands of his children, he withdraws inside himself, finding a way to escape from his feelings. He cares deeply but does not naturally show warmth and affection, know how to soothe a scared child, or figure out the emotional aspects of a child’s behavior. His children may confuse his non-intrusive or introverted behavior as a lack of caring. When focused on reading, thinking, or work, his children may feel they can’t access him and can feel intimidated by his intense focus.

Tips for Intellectual Fathers: This father needs to find a comfortable way to connect with his children’s feelings and concerns on a regular basis. This can be done by learning tools or techniques he can use to initiate more personal conversations. He needs to schedule his quiet time and let his children know that he is going to take it instead of just disappearing. He will help his children feel secure with him by remembering to smile and try to look friendly. He can also keep the connection by doing things his children like to do instead of insisting they learn so you can teach. Communicating more about his personal self and letting himself be known is a great practice. He needs to learn to trust in his own unique strengths as a father and enjoy his relationship with his children rather than comparing himself to other fathers.

Father’s Day with the Intellectual Dad: This Dad prefers low key activities and minimum fanfare. A quiet, relaxed dinner at home with their children is just fine with him as is going to a favorite family restaurant. His need for social interaction is low and if he wants to do something, he will let you know. Because the Intellectual Dad is quiet and thoughtful, enjoying best those moments when he can get away on his own to read or learn something new, giving him the gift of an evening off goes a long way. He is more difficult to buy for and to give to, but a well chosen gift or gift card from a store he buys from will suffice. Giving him books, educational software, or subscriptions to hobby related magazines, usually hits the spot. This Dad’s loves to learn, learn, and learn.